OK, people. If one more person asks me if my son will have a brother or sister, it is highly probable that the questioner will earn themselves a stare of disbelief. Really? All that bundle of joy stuff, as it turns out, is pretty much true. But guess what else is true? That bundle is a crap-load of work. Work that is simutaneously euphoric, mind-numbing, and frequently repetitive enough to make me feel like I could begin to understand what a broken record might feel like. Work that comes after the equivalent of a school year of physical, chemical and hormonal changes which are still coming to resolution (well, those that can come to a resolution). Work where your new business partner speaks some sort of weird language that you don't understand. So it might just be time for a run-down:
Pro: You will have a revised sense of personal modesty and more comfort with your body.
Con: Because everyone in the hospital saw everything you have to offer, multiple times.
Pro: Nobody will be telling you that you are 'all baby' any more.
Con: Because it is now clear to all of you that they were lying before.
Pro: You will feel amazingly rested on 4 consecutive hours of sleep.
Con: Because it happens to be the most you've had in a month.
Pro: Your bladder will have plenty of room to expand.
Con: But will have a mind of it's own as to when to empty.
Pro: You will lose weight quickly.
Con: Not enough.
Pro: You won't mind doing laundry.
Con: Because it's more enjoyable than changing diapers.
Pro: You many start to save money on hair products.
Con: Because it will all start to fall out anyway.
Pro: You can no longer do Jumping Jacks.
Con: Because if you do, you will pee on yourself.
Pro: You will need to go shopping for clothes.
Con: Because you can't stand the sight of maternity wear any longer and your old clothes don't fit.
Pro: You no longer have to protect your stomach from stranger groping.
Con: You will be able to recite your baby's stats like you are planning on adding them to your fantasy baseball team. Yes, that is how many times people will stop you to ask about your baby. Even when you look delirious as you are trying to use the last of your energy to procure groceries.
Pro: You could spend hours staring at your sleeping baby.
Con: Because you know that as soon as you fall asleep, he will wake up.
Pro: You will never have to read any parenting magazines.
Con: Because everyone around you will drown you in advice and you'll become an expert at weeding out the wackos.
No comments:
Post a Comment