So, I've been feeling quite a bit less nauseous the last couple of weeks, for which I am extremely thankful as it seemed to clear up right before our whirlwind trip to the US.... where I have been exposed to the full force of the insanity that is the marketing campaign geared to making you feel guilty if you don't spend every last cent you've got on either 'the pregnancy experience' or your kid.
First of all, I will say that I enjoy a beautifully made, quality piece of clothing. I also don't mind spending some money on clothes provided they are well made, classic, and are going to last me years and years. What I do mind is being asked to pay a tariff for the "privilege" of a giant elastic body condom where a waist band should be. Although I realize this clothing modification is going to be necessary for likely the next year-ish, I don't happen to think a year is a terribly long time (despite my resignation to this next year, in particular, seeming to be an eternity). I absolutely am not willing to fork over serious clothes money for something that's not going to be with me for more than one congressional term, nor are you ever going to convince me that these clothes are more expensive to make. I'm fairly certain that to whichever Indonesian 12 year old is sewing my shorts, the elastic waistband is far less of a challenge than an actual waist with a zipper and button. In fact, I bet the maternity fabrication line is coveted duty, because by the time I really need your handiwork, I won't be able to SEE that you've double sewn the seam in just the wrong place, so you can relax a little.
So, perhaps I should have apologized to the sales lady upon walking into one of the mommy stores. But any urge to do that was stifled by the fact that she was a tiny tiny thing. I know we cannot hire based on physicality but it is a bit of a mind bender to walk into a store for pregnant people and be greeted by a woman who on her worst, most sodium bloated, humidity swollen, carbo loaded day would have no problem sliding into a size 2. Seriously, I appreciate the black humor here but, really? The least she could have done is wear one of those strap on "bumps" that they happily offer to let you try on. Again with the 'someone is laughing at this, but it sure isn't me' moment; you think I want to make that happen any sooner? Um, thanks but no thanks lady. Also, I'd just like to point out that in particular, in these type of stores, it might be nice to stock clothes that span seasons. I understand the shift to the new season is necessary, but when your demographic is motivated as much if not more by growing girth as it is by the swing to fall/spring/whatever it might be very very considerate to stock more than five pairs of shorts when the forecast is still for temperatures in the high 80's. I'm just sayin', little lady who is so cheerful she might be Rachel Ray's cousin with a tapeworm, you might have sold me more than one pair of shorts if you had had more than one pair of shorts for me to try on, despite my aversion to your criminally high prices.
Coming soon: I enter a store called Buy Buy Baby and do not projectile vomit, although it did require some discipline.
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