"She's pregnant, she hasn't lost her mind!"

"She's pregnant, she hasn't lost her mind" my husband quipped when given the choice between the calm, quiet side of the pool complex or the slightly out-of-control kiddie area. "I'm not going over there until I have to" I added.  AH, it's begun.

For years I searched for a quick deflector to the question "Do you have any kids?".  I finally settled on the simple, concise "I'm allergic" response. Not too off-putting, a little funny, it worked like a charm.  I never have been a fan of anonymous children, especially the screaming, hyper active variety. Put them in groups and I'd slowly back away, much like the average response to a wasp's nest.  If they give you an immediate headache, you must be allergic, right?  Like cats, my reaction to kids varied; some produced no allergic response and were actually pretty fun to hang around with, but this was not the usual effect- and never with those under the age of 1.  And although I never tried it, I had the sense that most people would have been quite unhappy with me trying to coax their little one to try a quick tug on the catnip to quiet them down.......

Well, when you decide to create one of these little beings yourself, things go down the tubes fast.  As in, it's straight to day care in a mini-van fast.  Just because someone has one cat does not mean they want to become a crazy cat lady.......  and just because I've decided to have a child doesn't mean that I'm going to start wanting interaction with all of them. 

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I had an appointment for an ultrasound.  Because of where we're living, this turned into a group field trip of two families to the same office, sheparded by one of the liasons for the hospital.  Turns out, this other family decided they all needed to come on the field trip; mom, dad, and three kids.  When we arrived at the cramped downtown location, the mom began to pull all her assorted kid accessories (including the two kids, twins) out of the vehicle, much to the wide-eyed amazement of the liason.  He stopped her before she could get her SUV sized stroller out of the car, pointing out that it would not fit in the elevator to the doctor's office.  I was stuck in a quasi-daydream to keep myself from being nervous about the upcoming US, and was only sort of paying attention to this. 
Quickly sucked back into reality, I noticed her walking towards us with a look of purpose in her eye and a kid in a carseat extended in front of her.  "Excuse me, would you please carry my baby?", in the sort of way that your husband will ask you "do you want any ice cream?", already assuming the answer to be yes.

Apparently the mental responses of "What the F*** leads you to think I would want to hold your kid just because you didn't think about logistics before you decided to come to overcrowded downtown with your giant kid carriers and your humongous stroller?" and "Oh S*** she thinks that just because 1)I'm a woman and 2) I'm pregnant I love all these little monsters; I am so screwed for the next 20 years!"  were quite clearly transmitted to the look on my face.  She found another baby sherpa and this didn't bother me.  At the time. 

Then I started thinking about it a little bit and began to feel sort of bad for not agreeing to help her (not that I disagreed verbally, but my husband said the writing was on the wall, er face, in capital letters).  Not that my feelings were any different, and not that I didn't feel that I deserved the right to have them, but I did a little projection. Certainly, there will be times in the future when I'll need help. I'll try to minimize this by hopefully being lucky (I'd like to say smart but come on..) enough to bring what I need with me, or tailor what I pack to the venue at hand. I just hope that when I do need help, I don't automatically assume that women, due simply to possesion of breasts and ovaries, are secretly pining for the chance to care for my little cherub....... and pay attention to the looks and body language of the people around me before choosing my victim.  And I'm starting to think it might not be a bad idea to bring little airline bottles of liquid reward to thank these strangers for their efforts.

Still, I fear a bit for my sanity over the next little while.  I mean, I love my dog, and I love some of the dogs that belong to my friends, or some of the other dogs at the dog park.  But I don't love all dogs, not all at once, especially in big groups.  The same goes for kids.  I am certain that I will love the dickens out of this kid, but I am also equally certain that this will not be a feeling that will convey to the masses.  There are lots of really unbearable children out there, and that's not going to change.  The thing that will change is the speed at which I am able to back away.........