It has recently come to my attention that pregnant women are socially accepted as public property. More specifically, anything in the abdominal area appears to be open for buddha business.
Go ahead, try to touch me. I dare you. Maybe you'll start to understand why everyone is so obsessed with the whole 'ten fingers, ten toes' thing when you lose a couple of 'em.
Let me spell this out for you; unless you are the one who put this baby in this uterus, the rule is hands off. No woman gets pregnant just to make sure that people are going to rub her 'round area'.... well, maybe a few women do actually do this, but you probably ought to put on some gloves before you touch those doozies. Frankly it is strange to me that I should even have to spell this out. Would people think it approprate if we all started grabbing the breasts of recently augmented women just because they are bigger than they used to be? I don't suggest you try that one either, at least not without some bail money set aside.
Most people have seemed genuinely suprised at my unwelcoming attitute to this brazen lack of manners and invasion of privacy, and a couple have even looked hurt when I tell them to get their mitts off me. To those people I say "What the hell is wrong with you idiots?!".
How about we address some specific justifications for this invasion of privacy:
'But you look beautiful' well, thank you but last I checked I was still pretty OK looking before I got myself knocked up and you wouldn't have thought it acceptable to just start laying hands all over me before....
'But it's for good luck' let's just see how that works out for you in the immediate.
'I just want to see if I can feel the baby' What if I tell you it feels like a gut punch; or better yet, simulate it for you?
'Don't you like it' Yes, I love feeling like common livestock, so thanks for reading my mind and indulging me.
I would just like to add that it is not like I exude a welcoming aura. I guarantee that I come across as less touchable than buddha. By far.
PHOTO!
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