Lazy Conversationalists

Apparently, I have now graduated to the point where I obviously want to talk about one thing and one thing only.

Who knew that as my belly grew my brain would, apparently, shrink?

So, yes, I'd love to spend an entire dinner talking with you about pregnancy, babies, and kids.  I am, of course, fascinated by stories of other people's gestation, delivery, and child rearing experiences.  Really, being regaled with tales such as these is the only reason I drag myself out of bed every morning.  I never realized my life was so incomplete when I was thinking and talking about ridiculous topics that I previously found interesting.  Politics, art, literature, food, wine, and even the weather are now such banal time wasters that I can't fathom even a few minutes spent on their discussion.

Just to make my life complete, please do tell me about all the side effects and/or complications you had with your pregnancy; I LOVE this stuff.  And, yes, tell me how much weight you gained before you ask the (wholly inappropriate) question of what the scale tells me.   Oh, pretty please I do so very much want to know how long you were in labor and how exhausted you felt afterward but not to worry because it is 'all so worth it and you'll forget all about it anyway'.  If I'm going to forget about it why haven't you?  And, more importantly, why do you feel the need to relive it as you tell me every tiny detail.....

If your little monster is misbehaving, perhaps you should focus on him rather than sidling in to tell me 'that baby will never be as easy to take care of as it is right now'.  Really? Because if your kid were my kid, I would have taken him to the proverbial woodshed by now instead of telling tales to people who don't want to hear them.

Now, not everyone with kids does this.  Just like not every old person speaks only of their various ailments.  Maybe this is not a coincidence?  Do the younger people who only speak of pregnancy/children grow into the old people who only talk about bodily functions/enemas?  I'll check back in 35 years from now and let you know.